Our monologue script

Duologue Script:(Suryadi & Saad)

Felix:(pushing the spaghetti away)All right, how much longer is this gonna go on?

Oscar:(reading his newspaper) Are you talking to me?

Felix: That’s right, I am talking to you.

Oscar: What do you want to know?

Felix: I want to know if you are going to spend the rest of your life not talking to me. Because if you are, I am going to buy a radio. (no reply) Well? ( no reply) I see. You are not going to talk to me. (no reply) All right. Two can play at this game. (Pause) If you are not going to talk to me, I am not going to talk to you.(no reply) I can act childish too, you know. (no reply) I can go on without talking just as long as you can.

Oscar: Then why the hell don’t you shut up?

Felix: Are you talking to me?

Oscar: You had your chance to talk last night. I begged you to come upstairs with me. From now on I never want to hear a word from that shampooed head as long as you live. That’s a warning, felix.

Felix: (stares at him) I stand warned. Over and out!

Oscar: (gets up, takes a key out of his pocket and slams it on the table) There’s a key to the back door. If you stick to the hallway and your room, you wont get hurt. (he sits back down on the couch)

Felix: I don’t think I gather the entire meaning of that remark.

Oscar: Then I’ll explain it to you. Stay out of my way.

Felix: (picks up the key and moves to the couch) I think you are serious. I think you are really serious. Are you serious?

Oscar: This is my apartment. Everything in my apartment is mine. The only thing here that’s yours is you. Just stay in your room and speak softly.

Felix: Yeah, you are serious. Well, let me remind you that I pay half the rent and I’ll go into any room I want. (He gets up angrily and starts towards the hallway)

Oscar: Where are you going?

Felix: I am going to walk around your bedroom.

Oscar: (slams down his newspaper) you stay out of there.

Felix: (Steaming) Don’t tell me where to go. I pay a hundred and twenty dollars a month.

Oscar: That was off-season. Starting tomorrow the rates are twelve dollars a day.
Felix: All right. ( He takes some bills out of his pocket and slams them down on the table ) There you are. I am paid up for today. Now I am going to walk in your bedroom. ( He starts to storm off)

Oscar: Stay out of there! Stay out of my room! ( He chases after him. Felix dodges around the table as Oscar blocks the hallway.)

Felix: (Blocking away, keeping the table between them) Watch yourself! Just watch yourself , Oscar!

Oscar: (with a pointing finger) I am warning you. You want to live here, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you and I don’t want to smell your cooking. Now get this spaghetti off my poker table.

Felix: HA! Ha, Ha!

Oscar: What the hell is so funny?

Felix: Its not spaghetti. Its Linguini! ( Oscar picks up the plate of Linguini, crosses to the hallway and hurls it into the kitchen.

Oscar: Now its garbage! ( he paces by the couch)

Felix:(Looks at Oscar unbelievingly: what an insane thing to do) You are crazy! I am a neurotic nut, but you are carzy!

Oscar: I am crazy, heh? That’s really funny coming from a fruitcake like you.

Felix: ( Goes to the kitchen door and looks in at the mess. Turns back to Oscar.) I am not cleaning that up.

Oscar: Is that a promise?

Felix: Did you hear what I said? I am not cleaning it up.

Its your mess. ( looking into the kitchen again) Look at it. Hanging all over the walls.

Oscar: ( Crosses to the landing and looks in the kitchen door) I like it. (He closes the door and paces around)

Felix: (Fumes) You’d just let it lie there, wouldn’t you? Until it turns hard and brown and …Yich, its disgusting. I am cleaning it up. ( he goes into the kitchen. Oscar chases after him. There is sound of a struggle and falling pots.)

Oscar: Leave it alone! You touch one strand of that linguini-and I am gonna punch you right in your sinuses.


Felix:(Dashes out of the kitchen with Oscar in pursuit. He stops and tries to calm Oscar down) Oscar, I’d like you to take a couple of Phenobarbital.

Oscar: (points) Go to your room! Did you hear what I said? Go to your room!

Felix: All right, let’s everybody just settle down, heh? (he puts his hand on Oscar’s shoulder to calm him but Oscar pulls away violently from his touch)

Oscar: If you want to live through this night, you’d better tie me up and lock your doors and windows.

Felix: (sits at the table with a great pretense of calm) All right, Oscar ,I’d like to know what’s happened?

Oscar: (moves toward him) What’s happened?

Felix: (hurriedly slides over to the next chair) That’s right. Something must have caused you to go off the deep end like this. What is it? Something I said? Something I did? Heh? What?

Oscar: (pacing) Its nothing you said. Its nothing you did. Its you!

Felix: I see. Well, that’s plain enough.

Oscar: I could make it plainer but I don’t want to hurt you.

Felix: What is it? The cooking ? The cleaning ? The crying?

Oscar: (moving towards him) I’ll tell you exactly what in your sleep, it’s the moose calls that open your ears at two o’clock in the morning. I cant take it anymore, Felix. I am crackin up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred times, I cant stand little notes on my pillow. ‘We’re all out of Corn Flakes.F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that F.U was Felix Ungar. Its not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.

Felix: I get the picture.